Does this community allow requests of whole passage reviews? Or should I only ask more specific questions here? If this isn't the right community, is there another community for passage reviews on the Stack Exchange network? Thanks in advance!
This is considered to be "proofreading", and is not accepted. You can't paste an English text and ask "is it correct".
The help guide states:
Please don’t ask any questions about ... proofreading (for example, "Are there any mistakes?" or "Is this correct?"), unless a source of concern is clearly specified
What you should do is ask a specific question: Identify the specific feature that you have a difficulty with, explain why you doubt the correctness of this part. Show that you have already tried to answer your question using reasonable resources (for example you must use a dictionary if you are asking about meanings and you should reference a grammar guide if you are asking about grammar)
Provide enough context, but don't paste your entire essay. Tell us who you are writing for (school, work, fiction, email, etc)
Good questions inspire answers that explain “why” and “how” and not just Yes or No.